I am stout, good sized, bigger than a breadbox; Ok, female Grizzly Bears bat their eyelashes at me! I am a fat guy. Actually, I am pretty new to it. You see, I wasn't born this way. I have had almost twenty surgeries in recent years that have lead to a pretty sedentary lifestyle. Since I quit smoking back in early '01, I have also put nearly everything that was unfortunate enough to get within arms reach of me that would fit in my mouth in it. I think I am finally getting the hang of this fat business.
I never realized how many conspiracies there were against fat people. Restaurants, movie theaters, churches, doctors offices, and of course the furniture and automobile industries; they are all in on it! They have made seats smaller and taught them to attack and cling to fat people. Upon standing, I have had numerous chairs latch on to me and refuse to let go.
I think the worst perpetrator is Wal-Mart. Fat people just love Wal-mart. Visit any of them, night or day and you will see them bursting at the seams with us rollie pollies. Like flocks of Emperor Penguins we waddle from aisle to aisle, deal to deal, searching for instant gratification and more and more, now now now! You would think they would cater to us, being their biggest customers and all, but NOOOOOOOO! Totter over to the Men's Clothing Department and on a typical shirt rack you might see ten or twenty each of small, medium, large, and extra large shirts. 2XL? 3XL? If I am lucky there is one or maybe even two and usually the ugliest thing some drunk who spent too much time at Mardi Gras could come up with. Also, now this is really annoying, they charge us more for being chunky! Usually about two bucks a pop. Now why are they allowed to discriminate like that? Surely a small uses a lot less fabric versus an XL, than an XL does compared to a XXL. Do they really expect us to believe it is some giant inconvenience to set the machines up "special" to make the big ones? They are mass produced just like the rest. I guess they figure if we were so smart we wouldn't be so fat.
I've tried dieting. Currently, I am eating the Jenny Craig stuff. And the Weight Watchers stuff. Plus a SlimFast a few times a day. And some Atkins stuff around meal time.
There is an old saying; Inside every fat person is a thin one trying to get out. In my case it might be two or three. I dislike the Internet personals' recently popular phrase; BBW: Big Beautiful Woman. It's not really an oxymoron, but it's few people's preference either. Being fat is not a reason for condemnation, but it is no reason to dance either. On second thought…